Its been almost two weeks since my last post. On the surface, things have been okay. Food has been mostly good, and we tried a few new meal ideas. Two out of the three were good, but one tasted like crap. Jami and Jason tried it as well, and Jami agreed it was gross. So gross. I went to the gym once somewhere in there, and we’ve been out to eat a few times. Saturday night we had a bad movie night here at the house, and after the third movie, I don’t think we have any friends left. We watched Under The Cherry Moon, The Calamari Wrestler, and Birdemic. The first one was bad, the second one better but the last one was awful.
I had a wake up moment late last week after breaking a bowl while washing dishes. You know how something might happen once in a while, slowly occurring with more frequency over time and you don’t even notice it as wrong, just as something that happens? It just creeps in? It was one of those. For the past 5 years or so, I’ve been having issues with a lot of things. Dizziness, general weakness, I’ve passed out a few times, blurred vision like I was looking through frosted glass, tremors in my hands, inability to grasp or hold items on occasion, muscle twitches, and if I am standing for more than about a minute I have to lean on something to support myself. All these things have been occurring more and more often, and with greater intensity, to the point some of them, like needing to lean on things, and general weakness are almost constant. Apparently all of these are side effects to the Wellbutrin I have been on for 6 years, but I was unaware of it, so for 6 years I’ve been saying no, no side effects. I feel like going to the gym is generally out of reach now because I don’t feel like I am strong enough to do anything. I worry I will hurt myself, or fall off of the treadmill, or any number of other things.
I called the mental health clinic and asked for a new appointment date since my next appointment is in November. They were able to move me up to this Thursday but it still seems so far off. I know its only two days away now, but I’ve been feeling rather panicked since realizing all of these things could be tied to my medication and they are getting worse. Previously I did not want to change medications, but now I really wan to get away from the Wellbutrin and stay away from it.
I taught myself to knit last Friday, and I made a little ascot-type scarf with a button in it, and started on a real scarf right afterwards. I only know how to knit and purl, but I figure I will pick up more as I go. I was really surprised at how easy it was to learn the basics, though I had to watch several videos about casting on to get that right. It doesn’t help that every video seems to use a different method to do it.
The weather is cooling off a little, but the temperature is going up again this weekend. We are suppose to be hitting the 90’s again. The last few days were super nice though and it was good to be able to turn off the air and just open the house up.
I spent an hour or so today making clay beads. I use about 6 different colors, and started of by just making plain round beads. Then I added textures to the surfaces and to most of them added other decorations- flowers, squiggles, polka dots, hearts.
Monday we had pool and it started off about as spectacularly bad as was possible. My first game I broke, and I only broke successfully by chance. I bounced the cue across the table, landing it in the middle of the rack, and bouncing of of the table. That should have been my clue that the game was going to go badly. I managed to get two of my balls in after too many tries, and then when my opponent had only the 8-ball left, I mistaked the 9-ball for the cue and fouled, giving him ball in hand to put the 8 in. It was just bad. My other three games went much better, netting me a 6 and 2 5’s, so I had an 18 for the night.
Anyway, not much else to say, so see you Thursday.